Parnella Picks! 2016 Favorite Films!

Here we are, another year, another recap. Right off the bat, I have to say, 2016 … step up your game.  With a disappointing summer and a lack luster awards season, overall, cinematically, 2016 could’ve been so much better with all the anticipations that failed to deliver. Coming off of a pretty solid 2015, we were pretty psyched into what was in store in the new year. The year our beloved heroes from both comic book worlds turn on each other which is continuing its trend amongst the other studios in pursuit of what Disney started: creating a cinematic universe. Which is basically a gold mine and automatic cash cow as it does the work for you and you just have to make sure you’re cranking out the films in a timely manner and let the fans make things bigger than what it actually is and let all of this guide your next step, sprinkle in some of your own ideas and direction and let this money making ship sail into the billions for everyone. 

… Until Warner Bros. let’s us all know that Disney was just making it look easy. Apparently it’s not as simple as “just don’t screw it up”. You would think it’d be obvious that micro-management doesn’t really do you justice. Give your directors/artists some room to breathe and room to work, but set boundaries that you all agree on and you’ll have a much better working relationship (essentially what Disney/Marvel does). Warner, however, has way too many cooks in the kitchen. Everyone wants a say, everyone wants the final say, and nothing gets done as a result. And that's how you end up with Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice. The most anticipated movie of A LIFETIME only to disappoint more than the sexiest girl you know saying yes to go out with you and discovered to be the most unattractive person while on the date. 

Now multiply this over and over again. A date you’re really looking forward to as you’re dating with a purpose now, not just for a good time. You’re excited, happy, and can’t wait, only to experience a girl that can’t stop talking about bodily functions so fervently. Girl after girl you date, you keep being met with man hands and bathroom humor, which lead to Seinfeld re-runs at home in your underwear because there’s clearly nothing good to go out to at the movies. Pepper in the fact that Hollywood rears its ugly head in politics which turns you off to the magic of the movie theater all the more and 2016 makes you just hang your head and say, “*sigh* … step up your game 2016.” 

Step up your game. 

I usually have a handful of favorites that I wanted to include but there’s a cut off, even despite the fact that I always rate 20 films and not 10 like everyone else. More game stepping up phrases to yack at 2016 I guess. So this year, only a small handful. I am happy to have experienced Hillary’s America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party twice and Marvel’s Doctor Strange and smiled with glee in sharing that blissful contentment with my parents. Shout out to Miles Ahead, a couple of good jazz films this year, though I found Born to be Blue to hit home more closer to the chest. I expected more from The Weinsteins and seeing the beginning of the global movement of fast food with McDonald's in The Founder. It's no awards contender, but still interesting to see how it all happened. And I’m surprised that a Cloverfield movie gets a nod from me (10 Cloverfield Lane). The foreign films this year are in line with the theme of game up stepping as Toni Erdman, Julieta, and Elle could’ve been better, though they weren’t terrible either. But more than just a “whatever” as they do earn a positive shout out. I expected more from Pedro Almodovar (Julieta), he's a legend in Spain and very well known here in the States. I am happy for Isabelle Huppert though in receiving some recognition for Elle. French culture always intrigues me. Still, everyone, step your game up. Last year, I had a 2 foreign films in my top FIVE. 

Not everything made me mellow, there are gems in down seasons as evidenced in 2011 with The Artist being a favorite of the decade and a favorite of my ALL TIME list and not just of that particular year.

So, with that said, here are my top 10 films for 2016: 

10. DEADPOOL 

Unconventional, original, and not just a typical action flick in the now formed formula for how to make superhero films, “but still perfectly construed blah blah blah I’ve seen that a million times over now and why Captain America: Civil War didn’t make the cut”.  Give me a jolt of energy damn it! Smack me in the face! Throw a bucket of water on me in the middle of the night! Surprise me! DON’T JUST GIVE ME THE SAME SCENES WE KEEP WITNESSING YEAR AFTER YEAR!!  This is why Civil War didn’t make the cut! Yes, you really did a bang up job on production value and “that airport hangar scene was so cool!” “come on Ben, they added Spidey! Your hero!” … Blah blah blah!! WE’VE SEEN ALL OF THAT BEFORE!! Smack me in the face damn it! Throw me off a building! Show me something I haven’t seen or have experienced EVER! Or at least make me think that while watching. Originality, that is the question. Ryan Reynolds’ quirky-ness fit right into this and led me on a journey that I felt I’ve never been on before! I didn’t care what was happening in politics as that dominated all of our attention during this time. I could care less what crazy thing Miley Cyrus, Kanye, or Kim Kardashian were doing in pop culture. I didn’t care about anything, but this. I just had fun at the movies, experiencing something that wasn’t fun just for fun’s sake. Did you catch that Transformers worshippers? Did it do more than just “give us a fun time”? Or rather have fun with a quality product? There is a difference. Fun, excitement, ORIGINALITY, no forced and infused messages be they ever so slightly (which is why Zootopia lost this long held spot) or smack in your face (why I won’t bother with the upcoming Star Trek TV series), just good, “wholesome”, “American entertainment”. Bravo Fox, I dare you to do it again!

9. HACKSAW RIDGE 

“Please Lord, help me get one more!”

No, Mel Gibson didn’t shove your face in religion. As with his Passion of the Christ (and upcoming sequel), he just told you like it was, how it happened. This is how that story unfolded, and as a Christian, it was a breath of fresh air. “YES! FINALLY! The Christian of the story isn’t the brainwashed, imposing idiot ‘who can’t think for himself’!!” A story that starts off very hallmark channel (and doesn’t stay that way cough, Hidden Figures, cough) and completely picks up as our boys go to war. Becoming THEE MOST GRUESOME war film to date! What an accomplishment Mel Gibson! What an accomplishment! Those 2 war sequences were right on point, key, necessary, and places one right in the middle of WWII, experiencing what it was like. Letting us all see why movies are necessary to help to teach and inform. The most efficient form of mass communication. I loved how the war scenes were lengthy and felt realistic as if that’s how long it probably was (though I’m sure that wasn’t the case), but at least giving an impression of how long the various battles were. Graphically and perfectly depicting the brutality and necessity of war. Why I’m proud to be an American, and proud to be a Christian who can freely practice my faith in America. Largely in part to what our military does to protect that God-given right to practice such faith. I felt this on the back of our hero portrayed by Andrew Garfield as one by one he tried to save his fellow soldiers (all while contentiously objecting to carrying a gun). One by one he prayed, one by one he wouldn’t give up.

“Please Lord, help me get one more! ... help me get one more!” 

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! …. 

8. HELL OR HIGHWATER

I first passed on it as the trailer made this film look mediocre. A forgotten film that come Oscar season (this came out over the summer) we wouldn’t even remember that it even graced our TV screens with promos reminding us to give it a shot. This is why the press is necessary, to keep us in the loop of what’s going on. Thus, I learned this is a film to look out for. “Really? THAT film is a Best Picture hopeful??!! Wow, okay, I guess I’ll go see it now.” And I’m glad I did because Jeff Bridges’ poetic and brilliant final line resonated so wonderfully with my artistic and romantic nature.  Had I missed it I’d be sulking in regret having missed this one: 

“And you’re going to have to live with that … for the rest of your life.” 

7. THE FAMILY FANG

"Kill all parents! Kill all parents! ..." 

Jason Bateman has been thrown a bone by Hollywood as a director. He’s been around since the normal beginnings as an actor, and now his hard work is paying off. So as such, he’s taking more risks as an artist. And for that, I am glad! 

From the get go, this takes a stand. The opening scene turned me off and had me going a bit. I didn’t think I’d like the film as the opening was weird and I told myself to strap in for an uncomfortable and unwanted ride. Just like I did at the beginning of La La Land. But Unlike Hollywood’s #1 pick this year (and more ammo for my “step up your game” argument for 2016), this all comes together in the end, which in turn clicks on the lightbulb as to why the opening numbers work and make sense congruently with the big picture (unlike La La Land, throw away the beginning and throw it a bone for everything after that). When this was done, I couldn’t believe what I had witnessed, a year’s best! Right under my nose! This is a good part of why I do what I do as a member of the 4th estate. To sniff out the truth and present it to the world. It’s so much more golden when you stumble upon the truth, as if pan handling for something other than gold and striking it rich with gold. This is weird and different, as has been the theme of my favorites of past years (this year being no different), and I’ve come to accept that about myself. As I now need more than REALLY WELL DONE usual, I need a smack in the face, a jolt of energy. It takes more than the usual to give me that thrilling rush. Again, this is why Captain America: Civil War didn’t make the cut. I’m Charlotte Gainsbourg in Nymphomainiac, I need more than casual wife sex to get an orgasam, or true climatic release and expression in the world. Give me amazing, not really well done of the same. And lo and behold, Nymph is my most reviewed film … ever. Collecting hundreds of views on a regular basis, 3 years and counting!  Jason Bateman, contributed to this rush of shocking expression in life. Ditto Deadpool. Open your eyes and think, truly breathe in the clean air of intellectual honesty and thought, and genuinely experience real growth and sincere happiness. Not just a quick fix of Transformers explosions. 

6. EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!!

Who would’ve thought, a movie that knocks it out of the ballpark (no pun intended) by not really having an intricate and thoroughly plotted storyline. In essence, the narrative is completely sound and present, though on the surface, it really isn’t.  Which is the beauty of why this is so amazing. If there’s anyone to do something like this, it’s Richard Linklater. Reminiscing on his college days, Linklater helps us to see what it was like as a college freshman back in the early 80’s. All in a lackadaisical, mellow, and “just going with the flow” manner. As if Linklater didn’t plan anything, but rather turned the camera on and just let everyone do their thing with some pointers about how this would’ve gone down back then. And then, he said action, and directed the camera to where ever that action was as people reenacted the era. That’s how it feels. Like we caught some cool images of an actual re-enactment of a snapshot in time. No real direction, no clear A-narrative, just a bunch of accurate depiction in effortless manner that truly captures the essence of the frame of mind during this period of time. Less is more. On the surface it’s so simple, but the more context you add to it to make sense of it all, or simply the more you delve into it, the more complex you realize it actually is. And you realize all the amazing hard work that was put into this project after all. And why this is undoubtedly one of the year’s best! A true gem in a year of films that failed to step up to the plate like this one did (pardon the pun ... the film deals with baseball). 

5. SWISS ARMY MAN

The famous fart movie. Though that makes me cringe and feel lesser than as a writer who challenges himself to be more creative with word selection. It still, nevertheless, is a neat reminder of my willingness to be challenged in my entertainment like the rest of the general public when it comes to visual narrative (unlike today’s modern music). The fact that Swiss Army Man is filled with flatulence but done in a different manner, reminds me that A24 (distributor) takes chances in the films they select (they delivered my favorite for 2013 which is also one of my top reviewed films EVER). They don’t always get it right, as Green Room was an anticipation and ended up as a whatever as is this year's Moonlight which could steal the show from La La Land. However still, from fade in to fade out, the unorthodox nature of the world created in this story of Daniel Radcliffe as a swiss army knife, but in the form of a human body, which helps poor Paul Dano realize he has a life worth living thus reminding us all that we have the same, all adds up to something worthy of recognition (minus the gay part). Helping Daniel Radcliffe to abra-cadabra the infamous wand away and let us see him solely as his name with no other strings. A surprising treat in a summer of shame.  

4. THE WITCH

An interesting and credible attribute to my favorites list this year is the contribution of horror, a genre I rarely connect with. These films typically don’t make the cut in my book as most of it is commercial, approval seeking, studio churn-outs. While the rest of it is basically underground, first timers trying to make a name for themselves and rarely stand out to make a difference. So I typically put these films away as they simply just don’t deliver in a manner that garners my attention in proper form. I laugh at, not with, and never really take them that serious. Most films are just for that reason, just to see some cool stunts of how things can go bad in life. Seriously, my friends question how I find most of them just too darn funny when this is the part where I should be freaking out instead. 

And then I saw The Witch. A historically accurate depiction of 17th century witchcraft gone awry on a vulnerable family. All historians that experienced such agony and despair have graded it a surplussing A. This is exactly how these people talked, walked, dressed, … this is how they lived back then! And writer/director Robert Eggers perfectly depicted this era of life. Slowly, we see the disjunction and gradual destruction of a family targeted by double double toil and trouble … The Witch! 

The first horror film to come around in awhile that truly sticks! Though I will say that’s pretty much only with us movie people, that be the critics and filmmakers and such. This movie is not for the common person. The “average joe schmoe” who doesn’t want to have to work for his entertainment. Why we basically reject foreign films, especially if it’s date night. The Witch definitely is not for this crowd. As I said, they talk in the movie exactly as they did back in the 1700’s. Back at the beginning of America, when we read for leisure because there was no Twitter and MTV that’s made us dumber because we don’t have to pick up a book anymore, for everything is at our finger tips. And that’s why I love this film. It reminds me to continue to push myself to obtain more knowledge and insight, thus avoiding becoming ignorant. But more importantly, because this film is really the ultimate smack in the face I sought on my annual quest. The intellectual aspect fired on all cylinders and forced me to pay attention to keep up. If you’re game on stepping up said game, check this one out. But just remember, I warned you. You might get bored because, “there aren’t any car chases, explosions, and butts”.   

3. THE LOBSTER

Having seen my 2nd favorite on DVD after this one, The Lobster became the first film to make the cut for 2016 back at the beginning of the summer. My number one took the cake the next month and has stayed there ever since. So, case and point, my triangular crown of favorites this year appeared around the same time. As did the films that follow on my list right after these towards the end of this time period. All in the same section I was hopeful that 2016 wouldn't be a let down. Though I'm happy with my selection of favorites, I just can’t say the same overall for the year. 

I remember finally being presented with what I sought in a film, purely earned stimulation. When a woman is happy that a man isn’t putting up with her sh*t tests and breaks right though, giving her exactly what she’s been seeking all this time, a real connection with a man to lead her and her offspring into prosperity. Something truly earned that broke through and deserves your affection. That’s exactly how I felt when I witnessed The Lobster. “Finally, something that’s worthy of my affection and testimonial. Worthy of the time and effort I will exert telling others that this is something worth seeing.” The first film of the year, which took awhile, to get me to this point of expression. But when it’s worth it, you’re just happy you finally discovered that something you’ve been searching for all this time. 

Right out of the gate, it’s different and original, capturing your attention. A new world with rules to abide by that we learn to work with or work around, with our hero Colin Farrell. The more we navigate these rules, we immerse further into the trivia surrounding content, as this is what what we paid for with movie tickets to experience.  All in pursuit of satisfaction and entertaining gratification. This one two punch is an effective sting. One that stuck with me and I just can’t forget about how it felt to be hit like that. 

2. SING STREET

The only film on my list really getting any kind of recognition in Hollywood, but not really. Arguably the best of the year, and had I not written it off not being sold from the trailer, it would’ve been the first GREAT film of the year that reared its beautiful head. They just don’t make them like this in the commercial world of popcorn where money blinds creativity. 

Listen up, and La La Land take notes. THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A MUSICAL! All the music needs to serve the purpose of the story. It has to drive it forward, service the theme of this narrative, keep it beholden to the theme of the movie and center of each scene to remind us why we’re watching all this in the first place. Thus driving home a beautiful message that’s brilliantly woven all throughout. Why? Because everything works together in a team building effort to present something amazing as a hole. An amazing quarterback isn’t going to be much good without a good offensive line to protect him in football. Or if your quarterback is cocky and tries to make it all about himself. It’s a team effort. So, brilliantly done musical numbers that serve no purpose whatsoever other than to show you how brilliantly done these musical numbers are, will crash and burn your glorious musical … every time. In Sing Street the opposite is done perfectly and it doesn’t matter that it all centers around a cheesy high school romance. Good filmmaking is good filmmaking, good storytelling is good storytelling. And I rooted for these two high school sweethearts to run away together and fall in love. Even though we all know they’ll get into one argument and break up later because they’re young and dumb and just “soooo in love”. 

Good filmmaking is good filmmaking, good storytelling is good storytelling.  

1. THE NEON DEMON

It doesn’t get any better than this for the year. And I’m so happy that it’s something different and unorthodox than what I usually go for. The fact that I put a horror film as my recognition of the year’s best says a lot about my growth as a seeker of knowledge and challenge in life. It could just mean how far will I go to get that rush, in relative drug addict merry. But I’ll stick with the former.

Director Nicolas Winding Refn is someone I pretty much always avoid. Just too weird for me and can never really get with his vision. Well, we see eye to eye this year. It was pretty cool to witness a typical clichéd story told in Refn’s creepy, stylistic, cinematic behavior. The story of a starving artist trying to make it in Hollywood. I could so relate, but that’s not why this stuck out so fervently. It was how Refn relayed the events in his moody, erie relations that he’s known for. And then on top of all that he throws us a curve ball that when reflected upon afterwards, you realize was properly established all along the way, keeping you in the loop. Having you realize how brilliant a clichéd tale was told before your very eyes. It keeps you guessing and on your toes and I was eager to find out what would happen next. I loved identifying the story points as the writer within me stepped his game up and smiled in admiration of achievement. All the feelings that you should feel while experiencing what you consider the best. “This is good, I so hope they don’t screw it up!”

It’s different, original, and nothing like what you’ve witnessed before. I whole heartedly disagree with Hollywood who’s given this film a failing grade, overlooking it for something like Moonlight. This is what deserves the attention in my book. This is the different that deserves to be recognized. A good different that takes a chance in a non-political, non-forceful method. It just is what it is, it does its thing and that’s the end of that. Take it or leave it. 

When Sia wraps up the fulfilling story come the credits, the final pieces come together in your mind to tell you how beautiful of a journey you just voyaged. Signifying a year in full circle, a circumference resembling completion. Completion recognizing the true gems led by such a genuine and refreshing island of vanilla oasis, in a sea of lackluster and undistinctive vapid. 

Sincerely the finest … of the hour. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The atrocity Ben!”  How dare I right? Not seeing something from your list that “should’ve” made the cut in mine? Well … 

11. Zootopia 

12. Manchester by the Sea 

13. Fences 

14. Lion

15. Captain Fantastic 

16. Born to be Blue

17. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

18. War Dogs 

19. The Bronze

20. The Meddler

That’s it folks. But I’m already feeling the heat for not including x, y, and z. So, I’ll have to explain myself as to why for a couple more. Since, “everyone” and “especially” The Academy deemed them the year’s absolute best … 

LA LA LAND 

I get it, you’re outraged. This is on EVERYONE’S list of favorites this year. It should’ve secured one of my ABSOLUTE spots! “Come on Ben! Really?! Stop trying to be different for different’s sake. You keep talking about ‘different’ so much. This was perfect!” And on and on and on you go … 

I get it, I should’ve liked this one. 

*Stretches arms and crackles fingers* 

On the surface, yes, I immediately took favor with this one. Wrote a 4 star review with only a couple things it could do better as a result. Initially, I was on your side for the most part. As yes, on the surface, “it’s just preposterous” that one could dare find anything significantly wrong with this film, “it’s perfect!” It depicts how you have to give up EVERYTHING for your dreams and it’s just so beautiful and magical and Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone go so perfect together and I cried and fought for them and was so hurt but somehow better when they break up and fight and in the end that feeling of one-ness with this story comes full circle for a thorough and wonderful journey blah blah blah blah NO!! 

It puts up a good front, I’ll give you that. However, all the while, I just kept telling myself, “there’s something about this film that I just can’t put my finger on. I just can’t deem it one of the year’s best. I will not jump on the bandwagon and worship this with everyone else … I don’t know, I just can’t worship and adore this movie.” The EXACT same thing goes for writer/director Damien Chazelle’s last film, Whiplash. And then a fellow film critic opened my eyes more to help articulate my thoughts and nudge me in the direction I had already baby stepped towards. 

Not to get too much into my review, but I alluded to this earlier just not completely. Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone were not a match made in Heaven as everyone would have you to believe. Their presence was VERY striking. So much so that I totally fell for the fast ball that slipped right by me: their characters were one dimensional. I sought this out just not in full depth, they truly aren’t the right fit which goes towards this match made in Heaven debunk. Had it been more of a compelling conflict and the two of them being more perfect for each other and not "they work really well so, whatever", their relationship would’ve worked a lot better to TRULY resonate. Thus helping to solidify this entire experience as an amazing one and not something I just can't put my finger on as to why I can't like this. I go more in depth in my official review as to why they’re not perfect and why it’s extremely necessary if you’re going to claim top honors amongst all honors and all films of the year and respectably earn the title of absolute best. But I’ll just say that had Chazelle gotten anal with the casting for recognizing this, I probably would feel a lot better about all of this. But then you’ve got the script to deal with. Not to mention dance numbers.  

A lot of try-hard behavior with Stone and Gosling in some of the dance moves that make the music not help to service the story but more just to put on a dazzling show (that fastball I fell for the first time). Again, it does a really good job of masking its flaws and telling you to "get over your ticky-tack, weak points” … because “it’s just perfect, damn it!” But when you stop and really think about it, that’s when you realize it’s not ticky-tack or making a mountain out of a mole-hill. For that, I give it credit. This is the first time a traditional musical almost pulled the wool over my eyes. But the fact that I felt the same about this director’s last film and had to stop and really ponder why I couldn’t articulate my disinterest, is what helped to open my eyes to expose this one. Nice try, I mean that both snarkly as well as honoring. 

The bottom line is it’s simply not enough to TRULY tear you apart, bringing out the tearful sadness and happiness, etc. and throwing all your criticisms to the wind and giving your all to this story that you've fallen in love with as our two leads fall in love; to then piece it all back together again in the end leaving you feeling complete and satisfied with the meal you had. TRUE nourishment, not a played up Boston Market or KFC meal that if you dress up correctly, most people won’t be able to tell the difference between the quality of the ingredients. Because it was brilliantly marketed to you as a deliciously looking meal that passes with average taste buds, "come on Ben, chicken is chicken." But you want to claim top honors amongst ALL chefs, remember? This is The Oscars. It does a good job of pretending it makes the cut and makes it a hundred times past the point of qualifying for top honors. And I really mean that. Most people will probably think I’m just making a mountain out of a mole-hill here. It’s EXTREMELY flashy and captures your attention with its musical numbers, dance movements, its quirks, and whims. It all just feels like it's what a perfect, Oscar quality film is. Deep down, I realized this was more of a show making up for its shaky foundation and not quite there constructed core center. Rather than an extravagant, sturdy, and airtight production of story, musical numbers and all around entertainment value.  

Yeah yeah yeah, I know you still disagree with that. Go read my review, still tell me how wrong I am, and then go away already. 

MOONLIGHT

Careful Ben, if you say anything bad about something that deals with the gay lifestyle you’ll be deemed a homophobe and a bigot, a hateful hateful bigot! The same with Kathryn Bigelow’s Hurt Locker (2009). “Oh, did you not like it because it was directed by a woman??” I was actually asked that. Translation: I dare you to say something, ANYTHING IN THE SLIGHTEST REMOTE OF NEGATIVITY about this and I will vilify you faster than the fast one La La Land pulled on you and had you actually liking it for a short time. 

Identity politics, what I hate about Hollywood. 

It’s how culture is the source of what’s going on in our society, politics only being a symptom of what the culture has depicted as so. Hollywood is primarily this source of culture depicting what goes and what doesn’t. Throw in what we teach in our schools and what the press says and you’ve got how culture defines what is right and what is wrong. Whatever you learned in church or anything for that matter outside of what we deem defines the rules of our culture that dictate how America should be, especially what you learned in church, has to fall in line with the rules we’ve set and evolve as our feelings do. And Moonlight is more of Hollywood telling you that the culture deems what goes in our society not God to us hateful, imposing Christians. It’s been almost 2 years since the supreme court clearly overreached and legislated from the bench (which is unconstitutional) deeming the homosexual lifestyle as normal and on the same level as the heterosexual lifestyle. So “we should be over whether or not it should be okay in our society”. “Now, let’s delve deeper into this world and bring up some topics that haven’t been brought to light, like gay life in the black community … wait, you still disagree with the legality of how all this happened … YOU BIGOT!!” And that’s the end of your social life as you know it.  

So, I’ll just leave it at that. It told a linear story. I don’t know why Mahershala Ali is getting praised for “such a significant contribution” to it all as he was more of a throw away character. It gets a little artsy in the end and makes you do a little more work than you probably should’ve, figuring out how it probably ended. 

And it will continue to “break down the barriers” that we all need to work together to break down because, “whoever put that barrier up in the first place … IS A HATEFUL BIGOT!!!” 

MOANA

WAYYY TOO MUCH RECOGNITION!! It’s gotten to the point where I seriously just want to say “screw this movie!” Why? Because you all are putting this up on a pedal stool as God’s gift to mankind. A treasured endowment that we all have been honored and blessed by its presence to cherish for all of eternity because it truly is God’s gift to mankind … 

Stop making this more than what it actually is! A mediocre, kiddie flick, geared more for children with a sub-par narrative that doesn’t tug at the heart strings or touch the soul. We came. We saw. This died. Move on. Stop making it more than what it actually is. I just can’t believe that THIS is the film that was common on top ten lists that I saw. 

Oh you disagree?

Yeah The Rock gets angry and pisses off. Then all of a sudden, FOR NO REASON AT ALL, other than the fact that he cooled down later, he comes back. Where he and Moana are now on good terms again, we don’t need no stinking explanations here. And they save the day! And then they all live happily ever after! YAAAAY!! God I cringed so hard there! That NEVER flies in animation, especially animation geared more for the whole family and trying to claim top honors of the year. That’s why Monster’s University didn’t truly work because the ending was too realistic and not mind blowing fairy tale that works perfectly (the heavy burden of animation and especially Pixar).  

AND YOU ALL PLACE IT AS A TOP TEN FINALIST deeming it one of the ABSOLUTE BEST OF THE YEAR and God’s gift to mankind! Geez Louise, stop making it more than what it actually is. A lack-luster, mediocre, kiddie flick that will be forgotten come time for the next one. Did you even watch Zootopia? Oh you forgot right? That’s proof of Moana’s superiority, correct? Because you’re nose is so far up its posterior that you fail to even look at, let alone debate, something could even POSSIBLY be better.

… Because Moana is God’s gift to mankind. 

FFS, the girl of your dreams is right in front of you staring you in the face. But you’re too busy looking at the quality of your vintage Chuck Taylor’s (shoes), because you never thought how amazed you’d be by something usually referenced by a younger audience and look how amazing the lace pattern and actual comfort a pair of chuck’s actually brings to one’s posture … *bitch smack* THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!!!  

F*CK!! 

WHATEVERS 

(Wasn’t good, wasn’t terrible, but definitely not one of the year’s best)

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

The Birth of A Nation

Arrival 

Allied 

Sully 

Sing

Moana

Loving 

Silence 

Green Room 

Cafe Society

The Nice Guys

The Jungle Book 

A Monster Calls

Nocturnal Animals

Hidden Figures

Bleed for This

Secret Life of Pets 

The Edge of Seventeen

Kubo and the Two Strings

DISAPPOINTMENTS

(Some were absolutely despicable, others could've delivered so much better)

Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice

Suicide Squad 

Hail, Caesar! 

Midnight Special

Live By Night

Jackie

Denial

Snowden 
La La Land

Moonlight
Finding Dory

Ghostbusters 
Edge of Winter 

Rules Don’t Apply 

Billy Lynn’s Long Half-Time Walk

Collateral Beauty 
American Honey 

Sausage Party 

Miss Sloane (F*ck this movie!) 

White Girl 

Ben-Hur

"But but but ... what about ... ??!!" 

I probably got around to it and it could very well be somewhere above the mid 20's (I only select 20 films a year then factor in my honorable mentions), or I didn't get around to it, or it wasn't worth mentioning (something along the lines of Independence Day: Resurgence).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So let’s recap:

20. The Meddler

19. The Bronze

18. War Dogs

17. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

16. Born to Be Blue

15. Captain Fantastic

14. Lion

13. Fences

12. Manchester by the Sea

11. Zootopia

10. Deadpool

9. Hacksaw Ridge

8. Hell or High Water

7. The Family Fang

6. Everybody Wants Some!!

5. Swiss Army Man

4. The Witch

3. The Lobster

2. Sing Street

1. The Neon Demon

Don’t forget to catch the Oscar nominations bright and early tomorrow morning at 5:18am PST. 

And as always, thank you for checking out my mostly anticipated post of the year!

2 Fingers